I live in Northwest Kansas and am the parent of a beautiful 7 year old girl.  She was identified as a boy at birth, so her dad and I raised our child as a boy, with boy clothes and boy toys.  We were very proud of our little boy.   It wasn't very long, though, before our boy was even 2, that I remember thinking my boy is probably not going to be one of those “masculine” type of boys.  He had no interest in boy toys whatsoever. He played with his sister’s Barbies and other dolls, which was fine with me.  I didn’t think much of it.  As soon as he could walk he was going to the kitchen drawer and putting a dish towel on his head. He walked around with that dishtowel all the time.  When we went out he insisted on wearing a jacket on his head.   One day I walked by the bathroom and saw him “brushing” the towel…that is when I realized,”Oh…he is pretending its hair!”  Trips to the store were hard for him. I found myself staying away from the toy section because he would beg for girl toys but I would not buy them for him.

He was two when he first told me, “I’m a girl.”  I said, “No sweetie you’re a boy.” I was a bit concerned because he never stopped…he kept telling me, “I’m a girl.”   So, it was also at two-and-a-half years of age that I sat in front of the computer and googled, “When your boy says he’s a girl.”  I was directed to all these articles on Gender Identity Disorder.  I remember being shocked that there was such a thing for kids to have.  I decided not to worry about it too much…just do as the professionals said “keep an eye on it” and don’t discourage but don’t encourage.  His dad and I tried to gently direct him towards typical “boy” activities” and I secretly prayed it would go away.

It never went away; it only got stronger.  Soon holidays that should be happy for all kids began to be a struggle.  On Christmas and birthdays he asked for girl toys and even on Halloween he wanted to be a mermaid or a princess, not a pirate or a fireman.    Even going to the store was a struggle.  I remember steering clear of the toy and clothes department.  I remember being in Target when he was only three years old - he begged for some red sparkly shoes.

He continued to tell me he was not a boy, but a girl.  His boy toys continued to sit unused. Instead, his favorite pastime was to watch movies and act out the girl’s part.  And he loved to draw… girls, princesses with long flowing hair, and mermaids. Lots and lots of mermaids.  At four years of age he began to take his sisters shirts or mine and fashion a dress out of them.  He began to dress as a girl at home and outside the house as well.  When I told him he no longer could do that (kids were starting to tease him), he just refused to go outside anymore.  His world became very small.

I remember at four years old he told me very excitedly, “Mom I know what I am!  I am a boy and a girl!”  He saw my shocked expression.  “Mommy please please, can I be a boy and a girl?”   I tried to tell him, not to worry so much about whether he was a boy or girl, just be himself -- knowing in my heart that “being himself” was what he had always been trying to do, only to be discouraged by his parents and family.  He was asking for my help, and still everyone in his life was in complete denial.  At this time my family and I all thought he was probably going to be gay. In my heart of hearts, though, I knew it was more than that.  I had done enough research to know that my child was most likely transgendered.

Kindergarten was hard.  He hated school. He begged to not go.  He fell behind. I tried to talk to the school counselor and his teacher about his “gender problems” and my feeling that he was having problems focusing in school because he was so consumed with this. They looked at me like I was crazy.  I called local therapists who either didn’t know what I was talking about or who immediately advocated for “reparative therapy,” which I was completely against.  I knew that my child was mentally a girl, and I did not want to go to people who would try to “change” him.  He repeated Kindergarten.  In spring of 2007 I saw the 20/20 show, My Secret Self and for the first time, I saw other families telling our same story.   Still, it took 9 more months and talking to other parents whose kids had GID before his dad and I saw took him to a therapist who had experience in gender issues.

At six years old, my child displayed almost every single symptom of GID, except one: being uncomfortable with his genitals.  One day I walked in and saw him in the bathtub with a washcloth over his penis.  Then I noticed he would sit down to pee or refuse to touch his penis when standing up to pee.   I knew my child was truly hurting and I had to help him.  Finally, his dad and I took him to a therapist who had specialized in gender issues.  She told us what we already knew -- that our child had GID. We had a choice to make: to either continue to force our child to live in a role that so obviously did not match the core identity, or to allow our child to simply be herself.

In March of 2008, our child socially transitioned from boy to girl in Northwest Kansas.   I will never forget when we first went shopping for girl clothes.  I had never ever seen her so absolutely happy, she told me, “This is the best day of my life!”  At first the extended family was shocked, but not altogether surprised.  Now almost everyone in the family is supportive, especially now that they see the positive change in her.

As for my girl, she is doing so much better in school – in just a few short months after transitioning she more than doubled her reading level.  She has friends, she plays outside. She is more expressive and just so much happier.

Last summer her former kindergarten teacher who had her as a “boy” in school then, had her in summer girl as the girl she is.  After summer school I emailed her and asked her if she noticed a difference.  This was her reply:

“Oh my where do I begin?  She is so willing to participate in class and is always smiling.  She is no longer the child on the playground by herself.  Everything seems just as it should be.”

Her soul shines now. That is what matters most of all.  We are very proud of our little girl.   And last Halloween she finally got to wear a costume she really wanted to wear -- Dorothy from Wizard of Oz, complete with sparkly red shoes.

…A Kansas Mom